Firstly, I'm not a social creature. Not by a quantum light year. Infact, I can be a bit anti-social at times, in a civil kind of way.
Secondly, I am very much an introvert. I have always been an introvert but an introvert who drank alcohol and became drunk extrovert Mark. Not the real Mark. Something else, something I'm not. Unauthentic. Pretend. Wanting to belong. I never did.
I'm getting to grips with the authentic Mark now. A loner. Alone alot but not lonely all that much. There are times, of course.
Far less lonely alone than when I'm part of a clique, a group or even in a relationship.
Although I'm working hard on myself on the interpersonal relationship front, I'm good for now. The shadow work must be completed. The toxic fucked up Mark must be healed, healthy, happy.
Right now, I'm accepting the fact that sober, less wonky, on the mend Mark, is Infact an introvert and always has been. And that's okay. It explains to a degree why I never felt like I fitted in. I just didn't.
I'm at peace with that.
There, I've come out.
I'm a fucking loner.
A sober, calmer, kinder, almost authentic loner.
I will explore this theme further on this blog soon. Its all in draft form inside my skull at the moment, bouncing around, formulating.
“Please kindly go away, I’m introverting.” ~ Beth Buelow