DBT lesson 10 notes and AhHa moments.
Creating new neural pathways.
This sesh was another very informative one.
The information about finding new sensory sensations when confronted by old and persistent schemas and triggers. Finding new surroundings and vibrations to counteract those negative hard wired ways of thinking, cognition makes total sense. Sights, smells, atmospheres. Take myself to new places that are less triggering, less oppressive when I feel myself entering choppy waters. Places where I can breath, be left alone, feel free. I have lots of ideas. Use public transport more and escape! This will become a priority.
The distraction conversation and information is very helpfully from a clarification point of view. I mindfully practice distraction but perhaps not mindfully enough. I need to choose self compassion far more in my life to challenge and counteract my negative self shaming schemas and triggers. Hardwired shit thanks to my entire childhood and most of my adult life. I can be less hard on myself and choose compassion. Choose mindfulnes and not reenact the utter hectic violent madness of times gone by.
I need to keep practicing the various techniques and tools we are learning in DBT until the tools that suit me really click. I already have some tools that work, that really help but I need to find more mindful tools to utilise to keep myself in rational mind and avoid the red mist.
Keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying. Until it clicks.
That is a massive ahha moment right there. Just keep trying. It will click.
This section of this unit is a huuuuge ahha and so so relevant on many levels to my life, right now, right here. A big ahha to behold!
As reinforced here in this section, is the fact that burning bridges is not always a bad thing. Sometimes bridges need to be burned in order to positively affect your life, to rid one's self of negative influences. Cut out the cancer so to speak. I have had some practice at this in life already but need to burn more bridges to protect myself is an ongoing thing.
I need to burn bridges in my life both in terms of substance abuse. Booze! And in terms of a relationship I shouldn't have got into because said person isn't ready for it and that is manifesting in negative traits. Traits that are potential big triggers I don't want to react to. I won't go into the relationship details here but I have completed the worksheet 10 on page 185/186 addressing the subject in DBT talk! It helped very much to understand my dilemma and hers. I will utilise this as I move forward with resolving these issues. Mindfully.
The second big one in the burning bridges sesh I am working on is booze!
I have identified the bridges that need to be burned when it comes to my desire to knock the booze on the head all together.
Booze is a huge gateway drug for me and leads me into murky risky and sometimes dangerous waters. Alcohol is a problem. I can't seem to drink moderately when I do drink. I smash it. Binge drink. I get fucked up. I may only drink once a week but when I do, like I do, it opens other doors I don't want opened, such as the door to drugs, namely cocaine.
If I don't drink booze, drugs would never ever be on the menu. Not my dish. Booze changes that. Booze is the problem.
The side affects, the aftermath of a big booze drug fuelled blow out is a come down, a hangover that lasts for days on end. Days! I'll health allround, depression, anxiety, guilt and amplified BPD symptoms. It's horrid. It's just not worth it. It's obvious I need to break this life long learned habit that I have used to numb so much pain. I don't want it. I don't need it. I'v found DBT.
Not just all of that, but financially it really hits me in the pocket. When I drink, I spend far to much on booze and drugs and junk food. This bridge needs burning for financial purposes too.
For all of the reasons above I have identified all of the people, places and things I need to cut off, burn bridges too, in order to realistically stand a chance of becoming what I want to become and that is a tea total, clean, healthy human being. A better me.
I've completed work sheet 17 on page 409 to assist me in identifying the who's, where's and what's. I am aware and mindful of the tasks ahead. They are vital. I have already began this mission and cut out some of what I need to but again, realistically, I need to go the whole way.
I'm aware of the elephant in the room. I need to kick it out and lick up all the doors and windows and brick up the chimney and vents! No way back in trunky!
I will burn my old nagative bridges and build new healthy sustainable ones. I choose life. I choose self compassion.
And then I will extend my compassion to others ❤️