Right now ....
..... I. Fucking. Hate. Myself.
That's it. Fucking despise myself.
I must stop drinking alcohol entirely. I really fucked up recently. I upset and hurt someone I adore and hold dear to my heart. I think I lost my FP because I drank far to much on top of a high dose of meds and said nasty shit apparently and squared up to people. Total prick. Booze and venlafaxine. It's a really big no no.
I was vile. I don't remember a thing though. Nothing. Black out. I must now stop the habit of a lifetime. The drink. But most difficult of all, the habit of going to the pub to be with people. Be with people and drink. Massive social cull about to go down.
I am very down about this whole situation. And I can't even talk it through. Ghosted.
One step forward, 5 steps back. 😢 But I must knock the booze on the head. I owe it to those around me.
I fucking hate myself.
I can't be more honest than that.
Toxic Soul. Always have been.