Right now ....

..... I. Fucking. Hate. Myself. 

That's it. Fucking despise myself. 

I must stop drinking alcohol entirely.  I really fucked up recently. I upset and hurt someone I adore and hold dear to my heart. I think I lost my FP because I drank far to much on top of a high dose of meds and said nasty shit apparently and squared up to people. Total prick.  Booze and venlafaxine. It's a really big no no. 

I was vile. I don't remember a thing though. Nothing. Black out. I must now stop the habit of a lifetime. The drink. But most difficult of all, the habit of going to the pub to be with people. Be with people and drink.  Massive social cull about to go down. 

I am very down about this whole situation. And I can't even talk it through. Ghosted.

One step forward, 5 steps back. 😢 But I must knock the booze on the head. I owe it to those around me.

Prick. 😣 

I fucking hate myself. 

I can't be more honest than that. 

Toxic Soul. Always have been. 

Mark Cummins.

2019. 

#toxic #Iamtoxic #booze #bpdandbooze #venlafaxineandalcohol